


Have Mercy

by ImpossibleClair



Series: O Death - A Sashley AU [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Ashley feels guilty as hell, Bonding, Developing Romance, F/F, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Mending Relationships, Pre-Game Events, past Beth/Sam, post-prank events, sam is depressed, sashley endgame, this will eventually be the start of a whole Sashley au so buckle up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-11 22:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpossibleClair/pseuds/ImpossibleClair
Summary: Sam knows she isn't healing. She knows she won't for a long time.But she doesn't expect her Mr Fix-it to be Ashley.





	1. Hold Her Tightly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘ashley showing up on sam’s doorstep absolutely sobbing, verge of a panic attack, trying to apologise for the prank on behalf of everyone. sam bringing her in and consoling her, just holding the girl tightly because it’s the only thing she can think of to console this sobbing redhead.’

Sam lay back on her bed, the pillow soft and her heart heavy.  


It had been almost two months since the incident, what everyone had been referring to as ‘the prank’ in their counselling sessions.  


Officially, Hannah and Beth Washington were still missing. But Sam had a feeling ‘missing’ was no longer the correct term.  


It hurt. It hurt a lot more than she admitted to her friends. She had withdrawn from them, locked down her emotions in the aftermath of everything that had happened that night. Sure, she’d spoken in their group counselling, and yeah, she’d talked with each of them about how she felt about their actions. But the pain? That was hers, and hers alone.  


It wasn’t getting easier. She’d been told it would, that she would gradually learn to live with this awful agony of guilt and blame, but not yet. Not for a long time, she suspected.  


She had homework to do. She had an essay for her environmental conservation class due in a few days and she hadn’t done her referencing, but she couldn’t seem to move. She stared at the ceiling, at the cracked paint and the cheap light fitting that was pretty much standard for on-campus accommodation.  


There was a knock at her door.  


It was more muscle memory than obligation that got her off the bed and walking to the door. She undid the locks and pulled it open.  


Ashley was standing on her doorstep (or what counted for a doorstep in a tiny college apartment). She was wearing a beanie and gloves, despite the fact that it was spring, and she looked terrible. Her face was blotchy and tear-streaked, and she was shaking frightfully.  


“Ashley?”  


“Sam I’m s-s-so sorry!” Ashley sobbed. “I sh-should’ve stopped them, I should’ve d-done something! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”  


“Woah, hang on, let’s just… Come in, okay, come on.”  


Sam beckoned Ashley over the threshold and shut the door behind her.  


The smaller girl stood awkwardly by the kitchen counter, hunched and trembling.  


“What’s going on, Ash?” Sam asked her, a frown of concern touching her brow. “Are you alright?”  


Ashley burst into tears again.  


“Okay, too big a question, my bad,” Sam muttered, pulling Ashley into a hug.  


Ashley leant into the embrace, finding a portion of Sam’s shoulder to cry into.  


“Breathe, Ash,” Sam murmured. “Breathe, it’s okay.”  


“It’s not okay,” Ashley blubbered. “We were stupid! We pulled a stupid fucking prank and now they’re gone and I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry for everyone.”  


Sam bit her lip, now reminding _herself _to breathe as emotions bubbled up to the vulnerable forefront of her heart.__  


The prank. The fucking prank, of course it was. Why else would Ashley be so upset? Why else would she swear, she _never _swears!__  


“I guess you’re right,” she said slowly. “It’s… It’s not okay. Not by a long shot. But you can’t just apologise for everyone, Ash, that’s not up to you.”  


“But you blame th- us. You blame us for what happened,” Ashley whimpered. “And you’re right, it was our fault.”  


There it was – that wrenching twist in her gut. She didn’t want to think about it, but Ashley was right. She had kept that seething anger at her friends shut firmly in the back of her mind, as far as she could push it, but it was definitely there. She didn’t like it. She didn’t want to blame her friends, it made everything so much harder, but she did. She couldn’t seem to help it.  


“That’s… It’s something I’m working on,” she admitted to Ashley, still holding her close. “It’s something I want to change. I don’t want to blame you guys. I don’t want to blame you.”  


Sam sighed.  


“And – and Ash, you can’t shoulder this whole thing by yourself, okay? You shouldn’t just designate yourself as the one to hold all the blame and do all the apologising. That’s too much for one person.”  


“But –”  


“Jesus, Ash,” Sam cut her off. “Give yourself a break. You shouldn’t be like this.”  


Sam pulled away to look at her, at the swollen eyes and the wet cheeks.  


“You shouldn’t have to make everyone’s burden your own,” she said more gently, wiping away her tears. “You should focus on taking care of you.”  


Ashley sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve.  


“I haven’t been very good at that lately,” she croaked.  


Sam smiled sadly.  


“Me neither.”  


Ashley almost smiled, an acknowledgement of their shared struggle.  


Sam didn’t know what else to say. She’d overshared as it was. If she said anything more, she worried she might stop making sense.  


So she took Ashley’s hand and led her to the couch, sat her down and wrapped her up in another hug. She let her cry, let her tremble and sob and just hushed her gently when she got too distraught.  


What else was she supposed to do?  


_Just hold her tightly _, she thought.  
__

__So she did._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, first work here. Hopefully it doesn't suck.  
> The fandom needs more Sashley, so welcome to the first in a series which is a Sashley AU.  
> I'm working with a couple of little ideas for this AU from tumblr user 24d, who gave me permission to use their prompts.  
> If I'm working off a prompt it'll be in the notes.  
> Happy reading!


	2. Mending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Sam and Ashley working on their relationship after the prank because Sam, while she loves her friends dearly, can’t help but blame them a little and Ash just feels so bad. it’s very stressful but there is so much discussion and talking that it becomes a very normal relationship.’

Ashley and Sam were sprawled under a tree. The grass was a bit scratchy, but the sunlight was wonderful. Not too strong, but just warm enough that they could shed their jackets as long as the wind stayed down. 

“So, why did you want to be in on the prank?” Sam asked bluntly.

Ashley shifted uncomfortably, though not because of the grass.

Since her breakdown at Sam’s apartment, the two of them had resolved to sort things out. It was no fun, they agreed, not having any friends. 

Unfortunately though, fixing issues meant dealing with the hard questions.

“It’s so hard to understand now,” Ashley eventually answered. “It seems so cruel, looking back at it.”

“Hindsight’s a bitch,” Sam agreed.

“I think,” Ashley continued. “That I just didn’t want to be left out. And I think I wanted to be on the other side of a prank for once.” She covered her face with her hands briefly. “God, that sounds horrible.”

“Hm.” Sam folded her arms behind her head. “I can understand that though. I know the others used to scare you all the time and stuff like that. And you’ve got a bit of a vengeful streak in you, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“I’m not proud of it,” Ashley muttered, wishing she could deny it. 

“I know.”

They watched the leaves and branches shift above them. The edge of the breeze whispered across Ashley’s face.

“You actually didn’t do much, did you?” Sam asked. “For the prank?”

“No,” Ashley confirmed, feeling a little relieved, and then feeling selfish for feeling relieved. “No, I mostly watched. Which was bad enough.”

“I guess." Sam paused, steeling herself for the next question. "Did you enjoy it?”

Ashley’s guilt – an ever-present mass in her stomach these days – twisted in on itself.

“Yes,” she made herself say. “Not after I saw how devastated she was. But until that point, yes.”

Sam just nodded.

“You must be so disappointed in us,” Ashley continued, feeling close to tears. “We were supposed to be her friends.”

Sam opened her mouth to reply, but paused, considering her words carefully. 

“I was,” she agreed. “And sometimes I still am. I still feel angry about it sometimes. Mostly I just wish I could go back and change it. If I’d convinced enough of you not to go through with it, or if I’d found Hannah in time… I don’t know. Maybe things would be different.”

Ashley sat up.

“Are you… blaming yourself?”

Sam shrugged.

Ashley stared at her.

“Sam, you had the least to do with that prank! Apart from Josh and Chris, but they were passed out so they don’t count.” She waved away her tangent. “Anyway. Sam, you and Beth were the only ones with scrap of human decency that night. Nothing that happened is on you.”

The mention of Beth’s name brought pain to Sam’s eyes, Ashley could see it. 

“I could’ve stopped them,” she whispered. “I could’ve tried harder to find Hannah, I could’ve gone out after them. I could’ve done so many things and I spent my time telling off you lot and sitting on my arse instead.”

Sam sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.

High above, a bank of clouds slid lazily in front of the sun.

“There are a lot of ‘could haves’,” Ashley said slowly. “But we can’t change the past, Sam. We have to learn from it and move on. Right?”

Sam was quiet, her chin resting on her knees.

“Not that it’s easy,” Ashley admitted. “And I can’t really talk, because I feel like I’m never going to forgive myself for this. But we can try, can’t we?”

Sam grabbed her jacket and pulled it over her shoulders, hugging the fabric to her.

“I guess so.”

***

“Do you think it’ll ever go away?” Ashley asked, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets.

She and Sam were wandering along a footpath, not necessarily going anywhere. The college campus was large enough to meander around for several hours without coming back to the same place.

“The guilt, you mean?” Sam clarified. She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She kicked a stray piece of gravel, and the tiny stone went bouncing on ahead of them.

“I hope it does,” she continued. “I think we have to forgive ourselves first, though, and I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

“At least you haven’t got anything to forgive,” Ashley murmured. 

Sam gave her a funny look.

“Well, I mean, you didn’t do anything unforgivable,” Ashley explained. “Unlike the rest of us.”

Sam bit her lip. Was it fair to offload her pain on Ashley when her friend obviously had so much of her own to deal with?

She wanted to agree, but she also felt awful for even letting that thought cross her mind. She was not blameless. She was well aware that she was the least guilty party of the group, but she didn’t want to use that as an excuse to bash the others for what happened. There was blame to place, but nowhere she wanted to put it. There was no right answer when she needed one, and no one to help her.

“Sam?” 

She had been lost in her mind for too long.

“Sorry,” she said. “My brain is kind of overwhelming me.”

“Want to talk about it?” Ashley offered.

Sam hesitated.

They’d reached the piece of gravel again. She nudged it with the toe of her sneaker. It skittered off somewhere.

“I guess… If you want to listen? You don’t have to.”

Ashley gently looped her arm through Sam’s by way of permission.

Sam took a breath, feeling a little shaky suddenly.

“I feel so conflicted,” she began. “It keeps popping into my head that I’m completely innocent when it comes to the prank. And then I catch myself, and I feel so angry at myself for just lugging off responsibility onto you guys. Especially when some of you did almost as little as I did.”

Ashley thought she felt a slight pressure on her arm, but it only lasted a moment.

“I know it’s not fair to lay all the blame at everyone else’s feet and expect them to deal with it,” Sam continued. “I know that a big part of what happened was probably just bad luck. But…”

“It’s not as easy to blame bad luck,” Ashley finished for her. “Not when blaming people is an option.”

Sam nodded sullenly.

“I feel like an awful person for thinking like that,” she admitted. “But it just… it hurts.”

Her voice hitched, and Ashley squeezed her arm comfortingly.

“I know.”

People hurried past – students on their way to lectures, in a hurry to grow up and to learn and to succeed.

Sam and Ashley continued to amble, letting the world rush on around them.

***

Sam held a lit match next to her stove’s hotplate, trying to get the gas to catch. The damn thing’s own ignitor had been broken when she moved in, so matches and lighters were the only way to make the stovetop work. 

“I thought you were going to get that fixed?” Ashley remarked, leaning on the kitchen counter and watching with amusement.

“I was.” Sam yanked her hand back as the gas lit with a whoosh of flame. “But then we had the weekend at the lodge, and, well, you know.”

She blew out the match and tossed it into the sink to deal with later.

Ashley knew what she meant. After that weekend, everything had come to a halt. She’d planned on learning to drive when they got back from their weekend getaway. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do it, now. She just… hadn’t.

Sam lifted a small pot onto the hotplate, and stood back to wait for the water to boil.

“I talked to the others today,” Ashley blurted out.

Sam didn’t look as startled as she’d expected.

“Oh. How are they?”

Ashley shrugged.

“Mike and Emily split up so there was a lot of tension. Matt seems to be staying out of that drama as much as he can. So is Chris, but he’s kept his distance since the prank anyway. Jess is defending Emily but they’re a bit catty with each other. Josh didn’t say much, but he did tell me to say hi to you for him.”

Sam nodded, taking it in.

“Nothing… deeper then?” she inquired.

Ashley shook her head.

“I… I didn’t really push it,” she admitted. “Just asked how everyone was doing.”

“Fair enough.”

They stood together, listening to the hiss and bubble of the water as it heated up.

“I can’t believe it’s been three months,” Sam muttered after a stretch of quiet.

“The time definitely went by quickly,” Ashley agreed. 

“I feel like I haven’t achieved anything,” Sam mused. “I thought –” She laughed bitterly to herself. “– I thought it would feel better by now. But almost everything is the same.”

“ _Almost _everything?”__

“Yeah.” Sam folded her arms. “Like, it still hurts. And I still think about it heaps. But… I’m less frustrated over it. Maybe I’m just too tired to be angry. Now I’m just… sad.”

Her voice was even, but Ashley could see the tears in the corners of her eyes.

“I don’t know if it’s better,” Ashley said slowly. “But it’s something.”

Sam nodded.

She moved back to the stove to pour pasta into the pot, and Ashley didn’t mention the quick motions Sam made to wipe her eyes.

“Should we watch a movie?” she proposed, hoping to lighten the conversation.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed, sounding relieved at the suggestion. “Anything in particular?”

“No. Just nothing scary.”

Sam grinned. Ashley’s fraidy-cat nature was legendary within the group.

“Well, I have every Disney movie that exists,” she offered.

Ashley’s eyes lit up.

“Bambi?”

“Sure.”

Twenty minutes and a long search through Sam's dvd collection later, they sat down to watch the movie.

Ashley cried when Bambi’s mother was killed, and Sam let her lean against her side as the night grew later and the two of them began to feel sleepy.

“Sam?” Ashley murmured as the end credits rolled.

“Mm?” Sam was half asleep, one arm draped over Ashley’s shoulders.

“Can you forgive me?”

Sam hesitated before speaking, her tired mind wondering for a moment how to handle this suddenly serious question.

“I’m not going to be… I mean, you don’t have to,” Ashley prompted. “I just… I was wondering.”

Sam closed her eyes and pulled Ashley a little closer.

“I already have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!  
> Feels a bit clumsy to me, but I hope you liked it. Again, working with a prompt from 24d, of Tumblr. I use hints of this one in the first chapter as well, which you may have noticed.  
> Next chapter is the last one for this story, but it leads into the second part of the series, which will be set during the main game. There will be more romancey Sashley in the next chapter too, and onwards from there.  
> Happy reading!


End file.
